Just letting y'all know where my priorities have been lately.
Mood Swing Rating - Waiting: 40 Peeves
Photos of the tornado and the aftermath at datalib.library.ualberta.ca/tornado from July 31 1987
Photos and story of the tornado known as Jesse Imeson at America's Most Wanted from July 2007.
There are at least two reasons men deliberately shave their heads when there is no medical reason for being bald. One, to reduce the amount of body hair labs can use for testing. Labs use hair to test for things like DNA and the use of illegal substances. Two, because the men think all the cool kids are doing it. Hands up, all those who believe reason one or reason two indicate a healthy outlook on life
Oh, and the vehicle stolen from the murdered couple could be heading to Alberta. Or to the States. Watch for a 2006 GMC Sierra that might still have Ontario plates JK8 334. The driver may be a whack job so just call the cops if you see the truck. For the love of gord, don't get into a road rage incident with the vehicle.
Mood Swing Rating - Waiting: 8334 Peeves
A construction crew is working on the building next door to where I work. This caused problems last week. They somehow managed to stop electricity from entering our offices. This situation lent weight to my theory that some beings in my office are, in fact, electronic clones of and not real human beings.
Shrillita pouted in the dark until Da Boss walked by. Then she shouted, "My computer is broken!"
Da Boss said, "Go see what you can do, Essay, I'm going to The Men's Room." He says, The Men's Room, as if he has an audience with the Pope and is going to The Vatican. Maybe he gets religion in there, I don't know What I do know is, it is dark in The Ladies' Room when there is no electricity, so I imagine it may also be dark in The Men's Room. No lights. No windows. What are the odds?
Can you guess what happened next?
a) Da Boss bellows from the hallowed ground that is The Men's Room: "Lord t'undering it's dark in here, what the hell happened?"
b) The file clerk figures she has some extra time so she tries to use the copier.
c) I light a candle in my office and invite everyone to a seance.
d) All of the above.
Mood Swing Rating - Channelling Houdini: 240 dark Peeves
Unsafe people focus on “I” not “we” in personal relationships. You are their audience not an active participant in the good parts of their lives.
Mood Swing Rating - Hung Over: 220 dB Peeves
The house is slowly getting back to order. Technically, this house has not been in order since the day I moved in, so getting it into order is only slightly more challenging than getting my entire life back on track.
To all those who have been in contact, thank you! And if you don't hear from me within the next couple of days, remember it is only because of life, nothing more.
And life is better than the alternative.
P.S. The shprinkles arrived. As soon as I get my scanner set up, I'll post a pic.
Mood Swing Rating - Getting there: 14+ Peeves
The mail delivery in my area: the carriers are delicate flowers who are afraid to step on the sidewalks in winter, lest they damage themselves, yet they are capable of leaving nasty notes written on the front of at least one envelope delivered to each home in the neighbourhood during the two (sometimes three, be still my beating heart) days of delivery each week.
The neighbours in my area: Sure, leave our mail at the post office, we'll pick it up there (and we won't have stupid complaints written on our mail then, will we?)
The excitement: a package, mailed from a friend in Europe, guaranteed delivery on Monday.
The fact: said parcel is in the city, just not at my house.
The reality: bummer, really. It has been quite some time since I got a package of shprinckles from him! (Oooh, that sounds mildly obscene, and I'm not sure why)
The plans: Off to work I go, confident in the knowledge that someday, my shprinckles will – oh, never mind.
Mood Swing Rating - Waiting: 4 Peeves
Wow, what a rush.
If you're bored, if you're in a rut, I highly recommend the latest virus. All the cool kids have it. Why wouldn't you want it?
Part of the charm of this virus is the exclusivity. Some people get it and some don't. The people who don't get it wish they could; the people who have it can't get rid of it.
Like the elusive Wii only better, this virus is guaranteed to:
- Make you cough
- Move you into the bathroom full time one day a week (minimum)
- Make you cough enough to hurl
- Increase stock in cough syrup (orange, not cherry)
- Make you hurl enough to give you laryngitis
- Keep you in bed full time two days a week (minimum)
Did I mention you're guaranteed to hurl?
"Now, where is that monkey, I want to shoot something" (Which movie is this from? Email me [stupid_angry_canajun at yahoo dot ca] and I might even respond!)
Mood Swing Rating - Very pissed off: 24/7 Peeves
Silly me. I thought drive-thru meant getting most orders faster
As we drive away, my passenger says "This coffee has no sugar in it."
One can drink coffee without milk/cream/creamer. Without sugar? Not
I drive around the booth and hand back the coffee, saying "I ordered double double. This has no sugar in it." Little Miss Skippy says "That's the only size we have."
Blink. Blink. Sound of crickets chirping. "I beg your pardon?"
She repeats, "That's the only size we have."
I've ordered double-double coffees in several countries, as has my passenger. Countries like Bahamas, Bermuda, China, Russia and Venezuela. In each country, "double double" gets you double cream and double sugar
"Child, let me explain. Double double. Two creams. Two sugars. Take this coffee, pour out a new one, put in two creams and two sugars. I can wait as long as it takes to get this right. In fact, I can wait all day." Little Miss Skippy says, "You have to go. We can't serve other customers." I say, "You can't even serve me, the customer in front of you. I repeat, I can wait all day until we get what we ordered and paid for" and I shut off the ignition.
Yes, we eventually got the coffee. With double cream. And double sugar. We even managed to refrain from laughing until we were out of sight of the booth.
I love this town.
Mood Swing Rating - Very amused: 2 Peeves
Everyone is sick. Colds. Stomach flu. Sick of snow. Sick of working. One dude down the street from me is so sick of shovelling out his driveway, he's taken to parking his big-ass truck on the six-foot snowbank. Just drives right up, leaves the truck perched precariously on the two-foot wide, six-foot high mound-o-snow, and sets his vehicle alarm.
I took a day off work, to keep my germs to myself. When I returned, I got several consecutive, frantic phone calls from customers and suppliers who had heard I had a new job.
No, I have a new life. My job remains the same. Well, every day is different, but conceptually it is the same job.
Shrillita has valiantly trod into work every day, sharing her germs with us all. This is something we admire. I overheard three cow-workers discussing how they can repay her for her dogged determination to spread her cold with the world. It is difficult to find just the right gift to express such strong emotion. It isn't just that she coughs, sneezes and exhales into the air we breathe. She goes the extra mile. She insists on using everyone else's phone, to plant germs strategically where you almost can't avoid coming into contact with them. She picks up our pens, chews on them, then leaves them on our desks. Her quest to share is, in a word, inspiring.
Friday, six of us managed to sneeze at once. It was a veritable sneeze choir.
The Boss (He-Who-Signs-My-Paycheque) is now developing the dreaded "Cold." He is scheduled to attend meetings across Alberta for the last two weeks of this month. With any luck at all, he'll be able to transmit "the Cold" province-wide.
Flu pandemic? Sounds like Mother Earth's plan to add a little chlorine to the gene pool.
Mood Swing Rating - Mildly amused: 6 coughs per hour Peeves
"An out-of-control patient crawled from the back of a city ambulance into the driver's seat and – with lights and sirens blaring – led police on a high-speed chase early yesterday," reports the Edmonton Sun on Tues Jan 2/07. The patient, who reportedly o'd and may be in his mid-40's, became "extremely violent and dangerous," got past both paramedics and drove the ambulance from the Shaw Conference Centre to 195 Ave and 82 Street (near CFB Edmonton) where he drove the ambulance off road, crashed into a gate, and ran out into a field.
Luckily, both paramedics are fine.
The kicker is, this happens once or twice a year. Maybe not as far as this guy got, but still. It goes to show what can happen in a really good economy, doesn't it? The patient's mother must be so proud.
Mood Swing Rating - Therapy Moment: 1253 eye-rolling Peeves
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