stupidangrycanajun

Tibet Will Be Free

http://www.avaaz.org/en/tibet_end_the_violence/97.php/?cl_tf_sign=1

Gone So Long

Ah, so that's what a tumour can do. Ick.

Mood Swing Rating - Annoyed: 35 Peeves

Make It Look Easy

According to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, a score over 300 means you are at risk of illness.

Mood Swing Rating - Muppet Flailing: 540 Peeves

Four Hours, Ladies and Gentlemen, Four Dark Hours

A construction crew is working on the building next door to where I work. This caused problems last week. They somehow managed to stop electricity from entering our offices. This situation lent weight to my theory that some beings in my office are, in fact, electronic clones of and not real human beings.

Shrillita pouted in the dark until Da Boss walked by. Then she shouted, "My computer is broken!"

Da Boss said, "Go see what you can do, Essay, I'm going to The Men's Room." He says, The Men's Room, as if he has an audience with the Pope and is going to The Vatican. Maybe he gets religion in there, I don't know What I do know is, it is dark in The Ladies' Room when there is no electricity, so I imagine it may also be dark in The Men's Room. No lights. No windows. What are the odds?

Can you guess what happened next?

a) Da Boss bellows from the hallowed ground that is The Men's Room: "Lord t'undering it's dark in here, what the hell happened?"

b) The file clerk figures she has some extra time so she tries to use the copier.

c) I light a candle in my office and invite everyone to a seance.

d) All of the above.

Mood Swing Rating - Channelling Houdini: 240 dark Peeves

Down In The Cool Air, I Can See

Sub boss believes himself an expert on music history.

I drive him mad by humming "Superbeast" all day.

Unsafe people are consistent in their inconsistent behaviours.

Mood Swing Rating - Very Nearly On Vacation: 9.5 Rob Zombie Peeves

I Picked The Wrong Life To Quit Smoking

As luck would have it, this is my week to clean out the fridge at the office. There is one mystery object in a plastic container. No one claims knowledge of the mouldy contents. The mystery deepens. No one claims ownership of the container. I suspect a sub boss. I think bacteria are the only culture he has. (Last week he wanted to irritate me intentionally so he asked me to tell him his life purpose. I said he serves as a warning to others. That exchange gave us both what we wanted.) I toss the offending container into the garbage. Sub boss screams, "That is a perfectly good tub, all it needs is a good cleaning!" I think, "Too bad we can't say the same about you." He screams, "What are you doing?" I say "Thinking. You should try it some time."

This job lost a lot of lustre over the last few weeks. Or maybe I have. Either way, I am once again discovering great comedic material. Thank you, Steven Wright.

Unsafe people cannot grasp personal responsibility. Unsafe people split responsibility according to the outcome. They are responsible for all good things. Other people are responsible for all bad things.

Mood Swing Rating - Very Nearly Amused: 10.5 Eye Rolling Peeves

Please Do

I have lived long enough to know that the Universe unfolds, as it should.

Unsafe people lie. They lie through words. They lie through actions. They rewrite history to their advantage no matter how much evidence proves otherwise. Unsafe people can live two completely separate lives for years and when confronted, they defend their right to deceive.

Mood Swing Rating - Very Amused: 8 overtime Peeves

Language Barriers

You know those moments where you've asked a question and you listen to the answer and you think to yourself, "Der?"

Today, a sub-boss was rushing to get to a meeting. He held up a document and said, "I need a product number for this." Shrillita said, "What do you mean, product number? That's our office training manual. It doesn't have a product number." Sub-boss said, "Books in the library have a code. Cars have VINs. I need this for the meeting."

Der?

Sub-boss and Shrillita glared at each other for another moment. When this did not cause each of them to evaporate, they both turned and glared at me. Clearly this is in the job specs that I haven't yet found. In the library book. With the code. In my car. With its VIN. Der?

Instead of trying to sort this out, or do anything that might be considered remotely useful on my home planet, I said, "That's all!" and dismissed both of them with a wave. Seriously, there's a special place in Hell for people like me who enjoy the lunatic ravings of office cohorts.

Unsafe people demand freedom for themselves and prohibit others from experiencing it.

Mood Swing Rating - Dismissive: 7 Peeves

Work Is Nothing To Sneeze At

Sometimes, when you're "under the weather" (and the weather outside includes jurassic winds), friends email you just the right messages about work.

"Remember, about half the people work in any office."

"He can't talk right now. He's saving his breath to blow up his date."

"He can't come to the phone right now. He's as baffled as Adam on Mother's Day."

"We didn't reply to your email request for a quote. We thought the email was written by a program testing Artificial Stupidity."

Madness takes its toll. I now carry exact change.

Mood Swing Rating - Sneezin': 1,440 Peeves

Wanna "B" My Friend?

Yes, I am old (older than dirt, according to some) and therefore old fashioned in my ways.

If you want me to befriend you on Messenger, you stand a better chance if:
a) Your id and display name do not include "gurl" or "boi" or any variation that contains one or more repetitions of any of those letters
b) Your id, display name and interests do not indicate you have lost your mind
c) You do not type like a teenybopper
d) Your age, if shown, is over 19 and less than double digits

Examples, for clarification:
a) "Gurl" and "boi" (and "gurrrrl" and "boiiiii" etc.). Learn to spell, stupid
b) "High all the time", "bdsm", "swinger", "unemployed for life." You need help, and I am not qualified to provide that
   "Rescued genius". Probably not
   "Keg", "Beer", "King". Get a life
c) "iLuv2", "CuSoon" and "OIC". Use the space bar, stupid
   "Weekend was great, I met some of J's friends, they like emo too, things seem to be ok…can't get enough of J…gotta get to walmart today, but what the hey, is all good". Learn punctuation, stupid
   "MMMM, LUV J (hahaha) LOL MMM GOOD (hahaha)". For the love of gord
d) A 14 year old who does not share my DNA has nothing in common with me.
   A 255 year old should be writing to Guinness Records, not to me. 

Mood Swing Rating - Very amused (and mildly disgusted): 19,255 Peeves